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Negativity breeds negativity

It’s been a while since I last posted a blog.. Behaviour is something that has come up a lot recently with many people i have been working with, so i thought i would write my experience and some ways to handle this.

Being positive and good mindset is a way of life for me now. I have always tried to be a positive, happy person. Even as a kid, I was always “chatty”, ok maybe a bit too chatty according to school reports! Makes sense now after ADHD diagnosis

Even in bad times, I tried to keep positive, but I have had a dark spell over the years, that manifested as depression, some days it was hard to actually think, let alone feel, but I work every day to ensure I never go to those dark places again.

However, some people just breed a negative attitude; they always look at what is wrong, bad, what can go wrong, always a problem, never a solution, always a moan, no matter what is happening or what you do, it is a moan!

Now I am not talking about someone who is going through a hard time and feeling down, i am talking about the energy vampires, that suck things out of you.

Now, it could be that they have their own demons, their own issues, their reasons for this behaviour, but without a doubt, it can bring you down. It can affect you, it can bring you down. It can then bring you into that negative frame of mind.

When this happens, the other person’s constant negative mindset and attitude can rub off on you, and you can become as negative.

Now you might not think this will happen, or you may not realise that it happens.  It sometimes takes some self-reflection or another person to point this out.

I worked with someone who was always complaining, always negative about things, the people, managers, even when I felt positive, by the end of the day, I was negative and hated work. I honestly didn’t realise just how bad it made me feel, even when I enjoyed work, if I was working with this colleague was affecting me… I have also had friends who were very negative and quite toxic in their ways, nothing was ever good, always had something negative to say.

It can take a while to realise that individuals are like this, you also may not realise the effect on you mentally, but it also drains you both physically and mentally.

So what can you do?

Walking away may not be as easy as it sounds, but if a friend is treating you like that, or bringing you down, making you feel drained… walking away may be the best solution for you. You have to think of your mindset. So if walking away is the best solution, then do it.

Talking to individuals about their behaviour may be an option, but in my experience, they never see this attitude in themselves, so they don’t respond well to the discussions.  However, if this is an option and you feel they are worth the time, then try it.

Avoiding the individual at work, being pleasant, but not getting into lengthy discussions with the person, try to limit the time spent with them.

Ensure you feed your mind; we need to feed our minds with positivity, and we can control what goes into our minds, so make sure it is

positive.

Remember, it’s their behaviour, it’s not a reflection on you, you cannot control other people’s behaviour, you can control how you respond.

As always, thanks for reading and hope you take something away.

Janine

Acceptance

Acceptance ……

This word is just a word when we say it, but it has so much meaning.

I have talked about acceptance. A lot over the years as I have always struggled to fit in. I can’t say I wasn’t confident but knowing who and where I fit into society.

I didn’t follow trends as such, I tried too hard with people, to make them like me, to try and be something I wasn’t.  MY whole life I wondered who Janine was.

There are several reasons for this, but after recently being assessed and diagnosed with ADHD, my life and who I was made sense.  It wasn’t me, it was my brain, it was my mind making me behave and think differently.

 Continue Reading…

Here’s to another new year – 2023

Where on earth is time going?

It feels like only 2 weeks ago it was Jan 22.. I feel that this last year has just been a blur.. BUT what a new year gives us, is a chance to write a new chapter.  Forget the last year and move forward.

It has taken, me personally, a long time to forget the doings of the past and focus on the day.
I completed a lot of personal development in 2022, which helped keep my brain active, but also new skills and knowledge.

One of these courses I completed was Gestalt Therapy. It was something I studied previously, but didn’t really go into this theory in a deep way . Having studied the theory and the manner of therapy, I was interested to think about what their idea is about, looking at the day and the present, not the past or the future, just the day .

I have used various theories in my practice and looked at how the past can impact us in our daily life, however t really like the idea of leaving our past in the past , learning from that and moving on, living in the very present, the moment.  I am a firm believer that we cannot do anything about what has happened, what we can do is live our life for us and who we are today.  So my main mantra for 2023 is to help others see the benefit of this and try to support them to move on from what has gone and live for the moment.

Whatever 2023 brings you, I hope you embrace life, as we all know it is very short..

Janine

JSP Model

The JSP model of coaching, support and facilitation is an eclectic approach, using the workings of

Gestaltism, CBT, Person centred and mindfulness.

This approach can be adopted to individually, group and organisational.

The main focus is to ensure people are the best version the can be.

Drop me a line to discuss

Anger in grief

Anger

When we lose a loved one, many people don’t understand the various emotions and feelings they go through. One emotion that many clients ask me about, is anger.
Why do I feel so angry ?

Anger is a part of the grief cycle, which is a forever revolving process of grief, I have written a post about this previously, just as sadness, depression and shock are part of the cycle.

So why do we feel so angry when someone we love passes away?

There are many reasons we have this emotion:

We may feel robbed of our future with that person, we feel angry that they have left us alone, we feel angry that they won’t see milestones in life, won’t see another Christmas or birthday. We may feel it’s not fair that this has happened and why did it happen, this manifests into anger.

Anger is a normal emotion in the grief cycle and we will feel this at various times throughout our grief journey.

Managing the emotion can be hard, letting out the anger can help
, distraction techniques may also help, sometimes, changing mindset too happy memories and thinking how lucky we were to have had them, rather than what we lost.

Remember though, it’s completely normal to feel anger, as it is to have so many other emotions.

Stay safe

have a good rest of week

Janine

A little understanding of Grief …

Grief & Bereavement

Bereavement & Grief

When we lose someone, a  part of us dies with them, we go through so many different emotions and feelings, which lead to different behaviours.  It can be so hard to understand and everyone deal’s with things differently.  2 people may go through the exact same experience at the same time and will deal with the situation in their own way.

What words and emotions may you associate with losing someone?  Every person will come up with some different

Sadness, anger, devastation, shock, loss, tragic, why , fear, alone, heartbroken

One of the most common theories for understanding grief is Kulber Ross, who was a Swiss / American psychiatrist specialising in death and dying and the emotions and behaviours around the experience.

Let’s look at the model ………………

As a process this is something that is never ending and will continue to revolve.  It’s a bumpy journey and will be different for everyone.

We may go back and forth, round and round, it may be these emotions come and go in the space of an hour…

Remember grief is a very personal journey.

This cycle can feel like its never ending and we may feel that we are the only one going through this.

In fact these emotions and feeling are completely normal and very understandable when we lose someone, but also when change or loss of something happens.

Think losing a job, redundancy, retirement, losing a house, a pet, change of financial status, relationships…

The stages can be as a curve or as a cycle… The stages look like

Denial – we cannot believe what has happened, it’s not true, no, we cannot process the information, we don’t want to believe it!Anger – the anger of why!  It’s not fair, angry for them leaving you and you are here.

Bargaining – postponing the sadness, may feel guilty, you beg for it not to be true. You bargain if something good can happen, you will do something else.

Depression – the ultimate feeling of sadness, not wanting to continue, emotional, feeling of hopelessness

Acceptance -we start to come to terms with the loss, we may start to think there is hoe and and perhaps move on.

What this tells us … is that these stages are normal for people to experience, there is no timescale, there is no order, you may feel like this in the space of an hour…

HOW we can cope with Grief ?

• Grief is personal
• Take time out
• Counselling
• Talk openly
• Take baby steps
• Do things in your time
• Be open
• Be honest
• Don’t compare
• Don’t compare grief
• Its not a race
• Grief has no timescale
• Remember your doing ok
• Its ok to cry
• Its ok to have hundreds of emotions

Coping ……..Coping With Grief: 7 Things to Remember When Dealing with Loss

• It won’t feel like this forever. …
• You can handle it, even when you feel like you can’t. …
• Be gentle with yourself. …
• Think in cycles, not lines. …
• Your feelings are normal. …
• Grief can beget meaning. …
• You’re not alone.

Remember

Be gentle with yourself and look after you .

Janine

Mothers Day

Wow March already.. seriously time is flying…

With mother’s day fast approaching, it can be a very emotional time for those who have lost their mum.

Personally, losing my mum was the worst experience of my life and took me many years to heal from the loss. My mum was the one person who was always on my side.

I hated Mother’s Day and hated seeing others with their mum.  I still struggle with it but previously for many years, all I thought about  is what I had lost.

As I have said previously, time can heal and as I have gotten older, I have come to love and appreciate the mum I had, the time we had together and just how lucky I was to have her as my mum.

Now I can quietly celebrate Mother’s Day, with my westie and buy her favourite roses, I light a candle and have a glass of fizz.

Its now become my little tradition for me and my mum…

Losing a mum, a mother figure a person who has brought you up, is so very hard and on Mother’s day , it is so hard , seeing others have something that has been lost to you, it can bring so many feelings and emotions.

You may have your own traditions that you have introduced to remember her by, it would be nice to hear some of your traditions and markings of remembrance

However if you don’t Its never too late to bring your own tradition for your mum on mother days and if it is first mother’s day, I am thinking of you and  do something that mum would like, do something that you used to do together, light a candle, buy some favourite flowers.. whatever helps you to remembers your mum on mother’s day.

Happy mothers day to all mums in heaven and mums, aunties that are like mums, mother in laws , fur baby mums…..

Janine

Courses & Programmes for 2022 

No matter how long we have been in the work place, we can always learn.

“Every day is a school day”

All courses can be designed to suit the organisations needs.  If there is a topic not listed, please contact me and we can discuss further.

Subjects 

• Mental Health Awareness
• Mental health understanding for Managers
• Mental health & wellness strategies in the workplace
• Introduction to Mental Health
• Stress management and awareness
• Counselling skills
• Coaching & Mentoring
• Behavioural awareness
• Managing behaviour in the workplace
• Assertiveness skills
• Motivational practice
• Mindset & motivation
• Leadership & Management
• Conflict management
• Bullying & harassment the work place  – The fine line between bullying & banter
• Equality & diversity in the work place
• Supervision – conducting effective one to one supervision.
• Safeguarding
• Teaching skills
• Effective assessment in workplace
• Equality & Diversity
• Reflective Behavioural
• Tackling toxic culture
• Reflective Leadership
• Team Leading
• Motivation and Positivity
• Mindfulness
• Self Development
• Leadership Development

Costs vary and tailored to meet an organisations needs.

Happy New Year

Happy New Year to you all..

I hope everyone had a great festive period, even if it wasn’t what was planned.   It was a time for me to just shut off and relax!  Rather bliss.

But Its that time, when we set resolutions and media tells us we need to lose weight and get healthy, be better, thinner etc etc….

What a load of rubbish.. we have enough going on without listening to this from all angles.

I don’t know where resolutions come from, but I think they can consume us. “My resolution is to lose 5 stone” or” stop eating bread”,

or be this, or that.

I stopped setting resolutions a couple of years ago, such as lose weight, get up early and go to the gym, stop doing one thing or another

I don’t know when I stopped trying to change myself and who I am, but  I can truthfully say when I stopped trying to change who I was, I have become a happier person, also more accepting in myself and others.  Accepting who I am has been a real freedom.

I don’t think we need New Year  to set goals, or change, who we are, Personally I like to set myself goals everyday, just small goals, lists of what I want to achieve that day.  It gives me a sense of achievement when, tick those things off. Everyday is a new start and you can choose what you want to do with it.

One thing I do believe is Mindset.  This  has been a key for me to stop beating myself up about certain things and starting to feel happier in who I am and what I look like.  Looking at what I can learn from something, rather than why ?  Looking at positive things, rather than the negative. believing in myself and who I am.  Grateful for what I have, not what I don’t.

If you do anything this year, believe in yourself and accept the wonder that you are !!

Here is to 2022

Have a ball

Janine

Christmas – Time is a healer

Wow Its Christmas 2021 .. where on earth is the time going,  I thought we would be living in space by now…

This is the second year we are not going abroad for the festive season.  After mum died, the thought of being here without her was not an option and way too painful so we took dad away for Christmas. Sadly dad passed away and I could not actual cope with anything to do with Christmas.

So we went to the sun, the Canarais every year, up until last year, where that was not an option to go any where.  I decided I could either embrace and enjoy or wallow, so I accepted and loved every minute of it and this year , I decorated in November this year, my mum would be horrified… My argument, I have had them made by a lovely lady ( Mae & Ivy  ) so I have to show them off as long as possible.Continue Reading…

Forgive Yourself !

Forgiveness … ITs hard isn’t it ? Its hard to forgive others and even harder to forgive yourself for something.

We have all been in a situation or done something, that we may be ashamed of, or wish it hadn’t happened. We may have done things that make us feel rather rubbish, but it may be for the right reason. We may feel guilt about something and have flash backs, or we think constantly about the situation, it can consume us.

The truth is, we are not perfect, no one is. We all make mistakes and in fact, it is normal, to make mistakes in our life. It would be a sad place if everything was completely perfect, it would be  at tad boring really.

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One door closes and another door opens !

Have you ever heard of the that old saying, one door closes and another door opens and wondered what exactly does that mean?

I love a quote and it makes me stop, think and reflect !

When something happens to us, we often think why!  We often see the negative in a situation, rather than look at it differently.

Over the years, I have found myself in many situations, that I have thought, why me? Or panicked and saw the negative in the situation, worried about the future, taken things personal and consumed myself with a bitter feeling.Continue Reading…

“Other peoples opinion of me is none of my business”

I cannot think of the amount of time I worried what people thought of me, or the amount of people that would get upset about what other people has said about them.   I have wasted many hours getting upset about people and what they think or say about me.

That old saying, that sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me !

The truth is word do hurt ! BUT we cannot change what people think of us, or say, what we can do is change our mindset and start to think that they do not mean anything to us.

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Let it go .. Let grudges go..

Relationships in any capacity takes work. This could be personal, family and work, any relationship takes 2 people to make it work.

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Burnout

Burnout ..

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Body Positivity – Embrace it

I was asked recently to comment on why we should embrace body positivity and the impact of the perfection of bodies on majority of reality TV.

This is something I feel passionate about. Why ?  It has taken me personally, years to accept who I am as a person and what I look like.

Now I’m not saying I don’t like to give things a helping hand ( as I like to call it)  …. lotions, potions, colours, tans etc….

But I have stopped fat diets and constantly critiquing every lump and bump on my body.

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Where have I been ?

Hi all

WOW I cannot believe that we are now in June 2021 .. my last blog was Jan 2021 … I cannot believe that it has been so long … SO where have I been, what has been happing in the world of JSP ?

Well, we are now slowly coming out of this lockdown, we are starting to gain a slight normality, the sun has shone for a few days, so I am feeling rather happy.  I am going to write about the changes and the feelings we have about trying to get back to some normality, later in the month.

But back to me… ( lol) Continue Reading…

Its a New Year.. New You ?

Wow wow wow… where had 2020 gone, we are now in 2021 and last blog I wrote was November.

So Happy New Year to you all.

Time just seems to skip by and just like that I am now in my mid 40’s.   OMG how id it happen, I am still 21 in my head!!

I always thought by 2021 we would be using some type of space ship to travel and all be in space suits or something, with robots as pets.

So its a new year and I always think I should feel like a new person on the 1st Jan, wake up and think, right I am going to do this and be this and am a new person, I am going to stop this, stop eating, take quick fixes, anything to change me….  …  BUT you know what 2020 has taught me ? I am ok as I am ! Seriously, I can truthfully say I have accepted who I am as a person, what I weigh, what i look like, lumps and bumps included.

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Well what a year 2020 has been!!

Blog November

Well what a year 2020 has been!!

I don’t think we will ever see another year like it, or let’s hope and pray  we don’t.

We are now in November with only 8 weeks until Christmas, so I have been reflecting on the past few months as I prepare to have Christmas in the UK for the first time in 16 years…. Usually we are lying by a pool, enjoying and ice cold gin & tonic on Christmas day. This year, it will be costal del dinas, the gin and tonic will be present though,

Reflecting on this yea has been a total roller coaster for me, as I am sure it has for many.

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What’s the worst that can happen?

Wow, September. where has the time gone this year? 3 months until Christmas. How has that happed.

What a year 2020 has been for us all I am sure.

It has been a while since my last blog, but in my defence, I have had one hell of a few months.

Life has taken over and some exciting news along the way.

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Its not personal!

I haven’t written anything for a few weeks now, I felt a bit blocked ( I know writers block for a blog, who knew).

This week I felt I needed to discuss something that I have struggled with for years and still do.  I am sure we all do at times and some people may let it effect them forever !  That is taking things personal and to heart !

But I am going to share a personal story that happened only last week. Not all the details, but the moral of the story.

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THE PAST IS THE PAST – OR IS IT ?

How long has it been, since this madness of lockdown? Who knows, I have lost track of time and the days!

I had week off blogging last week, but during that time, I was thinking ( dangerous)  and various things in the past, but also the various sayings and affirmations I love so much !

That saying that past is in the past, leave it there, is a favourite of mine, but recently, I have found it hard to not think back, due to being in house a lot and having time to think, reflect back, think of things that has happened and things that was done.

I will be honest, it doesn’t do me any good to keep thinking back and thinking, what if or why, or I should have done this.

Hindsight is wonderful !

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Escape – The need to get away

Escapement – the need to get away from it all.

So another week in this lock down situation and I know I for one, am feeling the need to know the outcome, the need to start thinking of something to look forward too.

I was very much, there is nothing we can do, we have to go with it.. But as other areas and countries start to get back to some sort of normality, I cant help feeling envious.  Also feeling of sadness, about the whole situation, business that may not open, people that have lost loved ones and the lack of understanding as to why this happened.

In normal circumstance, we have had holidays, caravan escapes and days out with friends to plan, all things to look forward too, but this year has seen life almost cancelled.

These last couple of weeks, I have felt the need to just escape from it all.  I can go anywhere, but how can I turn my mind away from things.
I am usually positive and confident to the future, I try to always keep my mind positive but even I am starting to feel the drain and drag of this situation. The actual monotony and fear of what is to come also.

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Judge me, Judge me not!

Judgement..  “Having or displaying an overly critical point of view”

We all judge don’t we? I often say that no one has the right to judge you, un less they have walked on the moon

twice, in a pair of Jimmy Choos !  But truth is , we all judge in some way. We look at someone and we judge them

for their looks, their clothes, their car, house, everything. Why?  Someone said to me, its human nature to judge,

but is it ? Does it actually say more about us as a person, if we are over critical to others?

Do we judge people to help us feel better about ourselves, is it because we lack our own acceptance?

I know I have judged others and in all honesty i don’t know why. I can have opinion of a person, I may not like them, but I don’t have the right to judge them on how they live their life, or their opinions and views.  ITs their choice as it is my choice to live my life as I want.

We do also subconsciously judge, someone said yesterday, that if she says she’s a single parent, she can see their faces and make a judgment, however if she’s say she’s a widowed parent, people totally change and ask questions.

Does society tell us our judgements?
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The end is nigh

Hi all ,

Well  another week in this cornovirus madness and as this lock down, is starting to ease, can we see light at the end of the tunnel?

Its been weeks of shops shut, not seeing people, family, friends, working from home and lets face it,

its been a total weird, mad time.  However as this starts to ease and many want to get back to normal and back to the office,

get out into pubs and restaurants, there are others that may be anxious and worried about a return to normality.

Before this happened, many people had a crazy, manic life, working all hours , social life, kids, trying to fit

everything in, being all to everyone.  But I have heard so many people, saying they are worried about

going back to a crazy, manic life and they have enjoyed the total relaxation and quiet time, more peaceful and enjoying time with family.

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Change is inevitable

Start of another week and we are still in this lock down situation.

Let me ask you a question?  Have you changed during this time?

I think I have, truthfully and I do think its for the better. Change is normal, natural and inevitable in life.

Over my lifetime, I have had some major changes in my life and with those changes, its normal, for you as a person

to grow, develop and change.  John Fischer, who developed something called the change curve, shown in this post

Which shows us the feelings and emotions we go through when we transition or change.  I am sure we have all experienced some of these feeling and emotions recently during this pandemic.  I know I have gone through every emotion on this curve in a day.

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Acceptance

Yesterday I was reading a lovely book and one of the characters was trying to fit in with a family,

her friend kept saying  just be you.

I wrote about becoming you again, but today I want to look at acceptance, accepting yourself and who you are,

your choices, decisions and feeing happy and accepting of yourself.

There is so many people ready to pass  judgment, give their opinions and wanting to tell you how to live your life.

I am a firm believer in other peoples opinions and judgment of me, is none of my business. Continue Reading…

Its ok to have a bad day – It’s not a bad life!

I know I have had lots of bad days over the years. We all do and you know what…  its ok !

This last week, I have had a really bad few days, things getting to me, thinking too much, being on my own all day every day and feeling like its ground hog day !

I am trying to stay positive, think positive and be positive…. BUT OMG its hard.  It really is!

Personally, the lockdown hadn’t bothered me too much, I suppose I thought it will only be a few weeks, I like my home and being on my own, but now as we enter 9/ 10 weeks, its pretty scary, also the never ending news about this pandemic, the opinions of so many people, the facts and figures, there. Is no getting away from it and its not good for anyone’s mental health, to constantly think about this.    So, I have started to limit the amount of news I watch and interaction on social media. I turned off all notifications, so I can choose if I want. I have also deleted apps off phone on days, so if I want to look, I have to go to the laptop.

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Why am I feeling like this ? Anxiety – What is that ?

Anxiety 

We have heard this word a lot, especially over the past few months.

What is it?

Do I have it?

What can I do?

Why do I have it?

All questions I have asked myself and I am sure many, if not most people have suffered from anxiety, at some point or on an occasion in their life.

“Anxiety is a feeling of unease, such as worry or fear, that can be mild or severe:

The first time I can remember feeling totally overanxious, was in a supermarket at Christmas a few years ago.  There was so much noise and so many people, I felt that my heart was going to stop, I couldn’t breathe, I was sweating, I couldn’t think, I had to leave the store fast and the tears wouldn’t stop. I was scared, that was the feeling I had, total fear.

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You can still burn out … even in lockdown!

Good morning all.

It is VE Day and a bank holiday, hopefully the sun will shine.

Its such a testing time for us all, with working from home, lockdown, furlough, kids home all day and really

we don’t have an end in sight.

I was thinking back, to how exhausted I was, running around the country trying to do so much and wishing I

could work from home all the time and have more time to spend at home, I would be more relaxed and less tired. … Be careful what you wish for !

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Becoming YOU again

A journey to feeling confident and believing in you!

 Self-confidence, self-belief, self-love, etc all words that we see posted all over the world of social media.

But it’s easy to say this, but what is it? How do we become these things, especially when we have been on

some sort of rollercoaster and lost who we are as a person?

Life is hard, you may have had a baby, a divorce, traumatic events, hitting a milestone birthday, day to day life is stressful and all of these things just get on top of us, suddenly we are  35/ 40/ 50 and we think wow , what happened , who am I ?

Personally I lost myself, after a vast range of events in a very short space of time, moving to Wales, divorce, remarry, back to university, new job, weight loss ( not in a healthy way, but more on that later) then finally, the nail in the coffin ( so to speak) was my parents passed away suddenly .

There I was one day with a lovely little family, nice house and then what seemed like overnight,Continue Reading…

Wine Swigging Life Coach

https://www.lydiarees.com/blog

Read my journey into fitness and collaboration with Lydia Rees fitness.